How do I do it, How do I return to normal, How do I get through the pain, When will the tears stop? These are all questions I have been asking myself and God for the last couple of months. As I look back I the hurts started the first of Oct. I was so excited about my Holy Trip, but I knew there were things I had to take care of before I when, things with my family. Things were said to me from family members that I still to this day can not believe they said. Before I left on my trip there were some very dear and close friends that I had to make sure I prayed with and told them I love them before I left. Someone very dear to me didn't return my call, in fact I send that person something very personal to me and after I got back it was returned to me unopened. Then we have had some issues going on in the youth, things that are causing them to hurt so in turn that makes me hurt. Then last week C. killed in a car accident, that pain to hard to bear. I keep telling myself you have to be strong for the kids, while inside I was totally crushed. Then this week S. goes home to be with GOD after a long illness.
Last night I read the Book Colossians, first time in a week that I have just sit down and really spend good time with GOD. In chapter 1 verses 9-14 is a prayer for strength I have prayed this for others so many times last night I prayed it for myself seeking wisdom from GOD. Chapter 3:13-14 says "Forbearing one another; and forgiving one another, if any man have quarrel against any; even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye. And above all of these things put on charity,(love) which is the bond of perfectness." If there is hurt that means forgiveness is a must.
I then read Psalm 33 this, we saw a DVD Wed. in youth and the speaker used this chapter in his text. He talked on the greatness of GOD, how small we are how big GOD is, how much God loves and cares about us and what we go through. How God thinks we are special each and every one of us. I loved verses 20-21 "Our soul waiteth for the LORD; he is our help and our shield. For our heart shall rejoice in him, because we have trusted in his holy name." This is just what I have had to do wait on GOD and trust in his holy name alone.
I then picked up my book which I have not touched in a week "Next Door Savior"(just what I need a Savior). That is when it hit me the answerer to my questions. I DON'T DO IT I CAN'T DO IT. But God (love those words) he knew that I couldn't but he had already given me what I need, I just had to pull from it. It is the force with me that does it. When he died he told us John 14:16 "And I will pray the Father, and he shall give you another Comforter, that he may abide with you for ever." The force with me the HOLY SPIRIT will lead my life back to what he thinks is normal, he will bear the pain and take turn the tear into tears of JOY. He will suppy the forgiveness that I need to give and the forgiveness I need to heal.
Last night I let that force take over and do what I can't do. I let my Savior's love start the healing. Last night I just said here Lord you take it, you have wanted it all along, I just had to give it. That is what is so amazing about GOD'S love with each hammer of the nail he had already suffered my pain, with each drop of his precious blood he had already covered by hurt. And just as he rose victorious I too will rise, because in my weakness God shows his strength, through the HOLY SPIRIT.